A year of heartache, disappointment, fear and “newness” is behind me.
I started my New Years celebrations by going to a wedding of all things. Surrounded by love, promises and new beginnings. Even though my heart has been broken, I still believe in love and second chances. I witnessed it first hand at this wedding.
I took my BFF of 28 years with me as my date. I knew that I could make a fool of myself and she wouldn’t care. I also knew she would get me home safe and not expect a good night kiss in return.
I got a wee bit tipsy (ok, drunk), danced my ass off, had a young man ask me if I wanted to continue the party at the bar with him (to which I declined by slurring “you are waaaay too young for all this action”) and ended the night by falling flat on my ass in my garden. Not a bad start.
When I woke up this morning, I looked like a Ke$ha video reject…makeup smudged, hair full of what I think may be remnants of wedding appetizers, blood shot eyes and rose petals stuck to my body in various places.
One thing I did not consider was the oil change appointment I made for my car…at 9am the morning following my drunken shananigans.
Yes, I made it to the appointment, yes, the guy at the desk was super cute and yes I felt like hell. There I sat, voice hoarse, smelling like a bar, waiting for my car.
In a waiting room with 12 other empty chairs, a guy has to come in and sit in the one right next to me. WTF, people…stop doing that.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he decides to start a conversation with me. Oh come on! Since my voice is hoarse from drinking and singing, he asks me if I have a cold. I say “no, I am hungover” hoping he will leave me alone. I keep reading O Magazine.
Nope…on he goes about Christmas, New Years, what he had for breakfast, the last time he was hungover, etc…
After the initial irritation wore off, I realized, he was kind of cute and without a wedding ring. Great! Hungover, stinking like a bar room floor and looking as fantastic as one can look after wiping out in the garden and sleeping in her clothes, I could be sitting next to a potential victim, ummm I mean date.
He told me I had nice eyes (apparently bloodshot works for me) We chatted until my car was ready and I was kind of disappointed when they told me I was all ready to go.
I never did get his name, but it’s nice to know that even at my worst, I am worth a conversation.
Lol, that year really isn't all that bad my dear... It's really one of life's really rotten jokes and every is laughing it off but you so to speak.. I hope you understand what I mean here. What I mean is it a sad joke that we realize that we have become so complacent in they way our lives were arranged to that point ...then came the bad joke. While the reality of it is that we now have to adjust our way of thinking. To realize that one day we wake up for what ever reason... And the live we once had is no longer and it knocks us on our asses for a bit. Sure after a while we pick it back up again but once we focus our perceptions our judgements will become quite clear and that will be the point that we return to positive thinking again. My dear cousin after watching you go through this I can see the steps and progresses in your making a full recovery and on the way to much better things that will bring you joy in your life again. Instead of sucking the life out of you. You know I totally understand that losing a mate for what ever reason is like suffering from loss of a loved one through death and we morn,, become angry and so forth..but when we have to deal with them on a weekly basis... We just have to put them into perspective and give them a certain place in our lives... Most often on the bottom self where they belong.. Out of site and out of mind and soon their life sucking forces die with their memories and are soon forgotten and we begin to live again. The only honest this I can suggest is to live a good and grand life. Later on they'll certainly regret the fact they gave up the greatest thing they evey had compared to what they have today and they'll think back...what the fuck was I thinking.....and there you'll be .. In a better place than the one you were in before... Door is all way open sweety.. Thinking of you and have a happy new year ... This is your new life..now let's get living it !
ReplyDeleteYou are a very wise man...Your support and encouragement mean so very much to me.
ReplyDeleteIf the door isn't all the way open, I am ready to kick it open lol...My new life is waiting and I am not holding back another minute.
Lots of love!