Where the hell did the boundaries go?

Lines have been crossed…so many in fact there are no lines.  Just a blur of broken promises, hurt feelings and disappointment.  This time, I cannot let it go unchecked. 

My ex and I agreed that when the time came for our children (yes, ours) to meet a partner, we would discuss it with the kids and make sure their feelings were heard.  It was something that they asked for in counselling.  Did that happen?  No.  Am I surprised?  Unfortunately no.

Months of counselling, tears spilled, fears brought into the light and constant, reassuring hugs given, all taken back to square one because out of spite, (his admission) he disrespected me, our children and did a disservice to himself.

The problem is that he assumes I am stupid.  I am not.  I will always find out and I will not allow our kids to be pawns in his games

Over the last year, I have taken the high road.  I have allowed things to slide, I have allowed liberties to be taken and I have been more than kind to him.  I have not enforced our agreement to any degree just so I can keep the peace.  I have not been unfair or hurtful to him in any way. I have not told the general public the details of the events that led up to this.  I have even be able to overlook his lack of basic parenting skills…for example…when he wouldn’t pay for our daughter’s new glasses (which he gets reimbursed for through his work benefits) because and I quote, “But it’s superbowl weekend and I need the extra money because I have plans.”   Don’t even be outraged by that statement because the damage and words spoken are far worse than that. 

I have been extremely accommodating, kind, understanding, supportive and constant in reminding the kids every day how much their dad cares for them.  Now, because of his selfish actions, I have been made a liar…he has proven time and again that he only cares about himself.

Unfortunately for him, there is fire inside me that has been ignited, and is going to cause an unleashing of power that he has never witnessed.

This is the story of how this all began this past weekend.

So after dating this woman for about 10 seconds, he decides, that it would be a great idea to bring her to one of Hannah’s most important moments in her young life.  Her first time on stage with her musical theatre group.  The recital she has put her blood, sweat and tears into for the last 10 months.  The one thing that she is most proud of.  The one event that has consumed her soul. 

When she comes out on stage and expects to see her grandmother, her little brother and her father, ready to cheer her forward in her big moment she sees a stranger staring back at her, and her heart is shattered.  In the front row he chooses to sit, with his arm around someone my daughter is not ready to share her triumphs with, while her brother sits there, confused and upset and honestly too afraid to say anything because he knows if he does, he will be punished for expressing his feelings. 

My heart breaks for her, my heart breaks for our son.  Does this man, this adult, this father, know no boundaries?  How can he just shit on the two people who love him more than anyone in this world? 

It’s not like my children know this woman.  It’s not like they have developed a relationship with her. They met her once before…a brief encounter (which I was also left in the dark about, but I digress) A relationship with your parent’s new partner takes time, understanding, patience.  To assume that she was wanted there is ludacris. Our daughter, with her huge heart, left standing there, ambushed.   In an effort to show everyone he has a girlfriend, he single handidly destroyed a moment for my daughter that she will never get back.

 You see he lives by his rule of it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  It’s his selfish way of getting what he wants without any personal responsibility.   I live by the rule that if you don’t want me to treat you like an asshole then stop being one. 

His version of why he invited her?  Because she invited him to her 3 year old daughter’s dance recital, so he assumed that our daughter would want the same thing.  This child is 3!!!  She has no idea what the hell is going on.  Our daughter is almost 11 years old…the damage he has done to her over the last year is going to shape her views on men, marriage and relationships for the rest of her life. 

The meeting of the girlfriend is not my issue here. Thankfully he is someone else’s problem now.  The issue is the constant disrespect, the arrogance, the complete lack of any common sense, the total disregard for boundaries. 

This is the part that needs to be heard.  No matter what your situation, your relationship status, your position at work, whatever…as a human being who shares this earth, there are boundaries that need to be respected.  Basic rules for life people!  Respect, appreciation, thoughtfulness, kindness, compassion, empathy.  All very important to remember as a human being. 

His narcissist view of people as mere objects there for his sake to serve his needs and desires is not only disturbing but disheartening.  I think Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she spoke these words, “You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

Today is the day that I re-establish boundaries.  I will not compromise myself any longer and I will teach my children that they too, should never compromise themselves for the sake of not rocking the boat.   I will teach them (and myself) how to say no, this is no longer acceptable.  I will no longer protect him, I will no longer defend him and I certainly won’t be his doormat for another second longer. 

I will not tolerate people, anyone at all, including their father, fucking with these amazing children.  Call it mother’s instinct, call it crazy, call it whatever you want.  It just isn’t going to happen. 

The heartache he has caused and continues to cause these kids will not be tolerated.  I will no longer stand by and watch him break their spirits time and time again.  I am saying loud and clear, enough is enough. 

These are my new boundaries.  What is acceptable and more importantly what is not.

He thought he left a bitch behind when he went looking something better…he hasn’t seen anything yet.  For all you praying folks, better say one for him tonight.  It appears he is going to need it.