I am leaving on a jet plane…

Now that the dust has settled, I know I am more than what I thought I was.  This new found “me” has extraordinary things planned.

My life has settled into a comfortable routine, a knowing that all is going to be ok.  It’s a peace and contentment that has been absent from my world for a while. 

In order to get to this place, I made some very conscious decisions.  I choose to distance myself from the small town gossip network because I didn’t want to allow my spirit to wither away in it all and I really didn’t think I was strong enough to withstand it.  It turns out, I can…and I am still standing with my head held high and my dignity intact.  I choose to write this blog as a way of expressing my anguish, my fear, my anger and my new found joy.  By making this choice I drove myself forward to where I am now and squashed the gossip at the same time.  I choose to make a decision every morning to “let it go” and give myself permission to live, to be myself.  I choose to accept that his decision really had nothing to do with me.  I choose to be happy or not.   

Getting to this place (far from where I want to be, but even farther from where I was) was and is hard…I mean really hard.  But I did it.  I am doing it.

Yes, there is contentment, a peaceful embracing of my new world, but my journey is far from over.

To celebrate this awakening of myself, I am headed on a wee vacation.

In 2 days I will be going on an adventure that will once again redefine who I am.  Maybe in a small way, maybe in a big way.   I will be on a plane, headed for my first trip without my kids.  I am excited, I am sad, I am guilt ridden, I am terrified, I am exhilarated.

This trip is going to challenge me in a lot of ways.  My fear of flying (ok, it’s really a fear of crashing), leaving my kids for 6 days (never done that before), my fear of heights (watch for the terrifying updates from the suspension bridge I will be clinging to) and getting to find out who I am without all the “stuff” that surrounds my day to day life.  There will be laughter and quite possibly some tears.   

I read somewhere once, “Who could you be if you took the limits away?”  I guess the simple answer is:  Just me.