The idea of new possibilities, new beginnings, new memories makes me giddy but terrifies me at the same time. I am overwhelmed with the urge to start again, a do-over if you will, but am somewhat fearful that I will make the wrong decisions. I almost always follow my heart, but this time my head keeps interrupting. Perhaps because when change comes, it will be permanent. Permanent is a hard thing to grasp.
How do you move forward when everywhere you turn in your home is a memory of the past you loved so much?
How do you move forward when everywhere you turn in your home is a memory of the falling apart? The echos of a marriage falling apart seemly trapped within these walls.
A home now filled with heaviness and regrets and wishes that will always be just out of reach. No, we just can’t stay. Can we?
My thoughts are consumed with a new space, one that is lighter, brighter, ours…and perhaps I could breathe again. Perhaps the ability to breathe again is in me, regardless of where I make our home.
Sometimes the wind tells me to run, take the kids and run far away to start again. To be unknown with no judgements, no gossip, no reminders. Running is easy. My heart tells me to stay.
Maybe we will stay in our home, reclaim it, redecorate it and cleanse its walls, and in the process, cleanse ourselves. Redecorate the kid’s rooms, paint the walls in outrageous colours, move furniture, purge the past and bring light to our home once again. After all, the light comes from the very centre of us no matter where we go.
Then again, maybe we won’t stay and go forward onto a new adventure.
That’s the most exciting part…I can choose the path, I can stay or go.
Yes, I feel a change coming to our amazing little family. Healthy, loving, joyful change.
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There are a few places for sale in our neighbourhood C!
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