An ending always leads to a new beginning

Life has a way of moving forward, with or without us.  Its takes us to places we never thought possible or dreamed even exsisted.  It also can take us to depths that we never thought we would survive.  However, we do survive.  We place one foot in front of the other, sometimes running, sometimes strolling along enjoying the view and sometimes being dragged along kicking and screaming. 

I made a commitment to myself to blog for the first year of my new life.  To bare all in an attempt to grasp onto whatever I could out of sheer survival at first. Survival quickly turned therapeutic and ultimately brought me peace.   My blog readers grew, I found out who really stood beside me and who did not, made new friends and reconnected with old ones.  The wheel had turned again and out of the darkness, there was light.  The final chapter of this book is now closed for me but my journey into a whole new world is just beginning. 

Before I wrote the final chapter of this book, I re read the previous chapters.  Reliving moments, feeling the fear, the sadness, the triumph, crying, laughing, sometimes shaking my head in disbelief, at all I have accomplished and all that has challenged me over the past year.  I have allowed myself the freedom of forgiveness, the freedom from guilt and shame, the freedom to be who I am meant to be.

 Through struggle and upheaval, I found myself being guided along a path that has lead me to a peaceful, balanced, forgiving life. A journey that has proven time and time again that taking the high road, especially in times of anger, rage and pain, has only benefited me in the long run.  You see my friends; karma will always be a bigger bitch than I am. 

Once I truly allowed myself to accept my situation, and that we are all on our own journey, fighting our own battles, did I free myself. The people I once called my friends, they are fighting their own battles.  The husband, I never in a million years thought would leave for something “better”, is fighting his own battles.   Once I allowed myself to be ok with my journey, to deal with it rather than avoid, did my vision become clear.

I triumphed over my fears, pushed myself to do things I never thought I could, failed and tried again. I fell on my face from time to time and always got back up stronger and more determined.  From manoeuvering through the world of water softener salt, to travelling from coast to coast in the same year, to opening my heart and trusting again,  to just getting through the day.  And I am grateful.   And I am proud. 

There were many days that I had convinced myself there were lots of reasons to give up.  There were many days when I actually gave up.  I literally threw my hands in the air, sank to the floor and cried.  Thankfully I have many people in my life that picked me up, who wouldn’t let me stay down for long.  They continually remind me of the light I have inside my heart, that it’s ok to “give up” on the not so great days and start new tomorrow.

 There are moments over the past year that I would rather forget, but will carry with me as a reminder of my journey and how far I have come and where I am headed.  Never again will I allow myself to feel the utter emptiness and despair of loss.  I won’t allow it.  I won’t allow someone else to extinguish the fire that feeds my spirit.  I choose to surround myself with love and laughter and friendship and light.  We all have that choice. 

I have had so many notes, letters and heartfelt appreciation for sharing my story.  Some from people I know well, some I only knew as an acquaintance and some from complete strangers who I now call a friend.  Support, encouragement from all around the world and the occasional hater thrown in there to keep me grounded.  Nevertheless, I am thankful for every single person who has followed my journey over the past year.  Putting my private life out on display was risky, foolish even in some people’s minds, but given the opportunity to do it over, I wouldn’t change a thing. I hope that in some way my story has helped my readers, regardless of whether you are married, single, divorced or just going travelling your own journey.

 I knew that when the natural end to the blog came, I would feel it.  I would trust that this story was complete when it felt complete.  I feel it now.  I knew when I emerged from under the weight of the strain and took my first breaths of fresh air that it was complete.

So my faithful readers, this will be the last chapter in my story.  My grand adventure has taken us all on a rollercoaster of emotion, laughter, tears and friendship. 

And so, today is the day I begin the first chapter in the next book…and I will leave you with a quote that sums up my journey through the dark into the light. 

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.”  Denis Waitley