Here are a few of the most asked questions that I am sent. My answers are honest and not what everyone wants to hear or will agree with, but it is my blog and I can post what I want lol.
Where did you come up with “Today is the day?”
Around the second weekend that the kids were with their dad, and the devastation of what was happening was at an all-time high, I found myself listening to the radio in my car in my driveway, not wanting to go into an empty house, crying my head off. Shania Twain’s song “Today is your day” came on.
I just sat there and cried. Then I realized, today is my day…it is the day…to become who I was meant to be. I wasn`t living in anyone`s shadow anymore.
Why are you putting so much effort into this?
Because I know there are a lot of you out there who are afraid to step out of your box. Because I know there are women/men/moms/dads and everyone in between who need to sit back with a great glass of wine and enjoy an entertaining read. Because if I am not held accountable for removing myself from my pity party, I will end up in a reality TV induced coma. I also know that writing is and always has been a passion of mine that went neglected for a very long time.
And really...blogging is much cheaper than therapy.
If he came back, what would you do?
If you would have asked me 8 months ago, I wouldn`t have hesitated to say, yes, absolutely come back. Let`s work it out. However, I can forgive a lot of things but I will not forget the things that were said and done to me and more importantly, my kids. His actions, his choices and the things that were said to me out of spite, pain, anger, and selfishness will always stay with me. Those things don`t rule my life, but they absolutely have left a mark on my heart. Looking back with a different perspective, I can honestly say that part of my life is over. I have wonderful memories, 2 amazing kids and some very tough life lessons to take with me. My therapist asked me once if I met him now, would we date or would there be a connection and as much as it hurt, my heart and my head both said no. I have come to realize that the life I was living was not mine or even ours. It was his. When he left, so did some other people in my life that I thought would have backed me up no matter what. This too was part of the healing process. There comes a point when the damage is so deep, that unfortunately, the only option is to move forward.
You aren’t the first person to have their spouse leave…what makes you so special?
Absolutely nothing makes me more special. I am unique…just like everyone else. The difference is that I am not going to sugar coat my life anymore. I lived a long time making the world believe that my life was perfect, because who wants to admit that it isn`t. We are so afraid of what people will say or think that we become paralyzed. Life isn`t perfect people…and it`s my decision to live with the knowledge that life doesn`t have to be perfect to be amazing. I am simply not choosing to live that life anymore.
Why don`t you blog more than once a week
I would love to be able to blog more than once a week. However, I do work outside the home, have a part time home based natural therapy business, 2 children, family, friends and a gym membership (notice I did not say I actually went to the gym) I try and write as much as I can, and as you can see from most of my posts, they come late at night when the house is quiet.
Will you tell us when you find someone special?
Maybe, maybe not lol.
Have you had your rebound yet?
Maybe, maybe not lol.
When do we get to hear the “sex and the city” details?
Probably never. My mother reads this blog lol
How do you stay positive?
My children obviously are an amazing force in my life. If you have read any of the past blog posts, you know exactly the kind of kids I have been blessed with.
My family, my friends, my work, the support of the people who follow the blog, my faith that the universe is bringing me to a place where I need to be, my own ability to realize I deserve to live a life that is full and inspiring…all these things give me the strength to keep the light in my soul burning.
Music is also a powerful force for me. I of course have worn out my Adele CD but have really used a lot of different music as a way to allow myself to cry, grieve, to be angry and also to lift my spirit. And I am happy to say, that I don`t really need my Adele CD much anymore.
One of my favourite songs that is on constant repeat is Mumford and Sons ``After the Storm``
Here are some of the lyrics:
And after the storm,
I run and run as the rains come
And I look up, I look up,
on my knees and out of luck, I look up.
Night has always pushed up day
You must know life to see decay
But I won't rot, I won't rot
Not this mind and not this heart, I won't rot.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And now I cling to what I knew
I saw exactly what was true
But oh no more.
That's why I hold,
That's why I hold with all I have.
That's why I hold.
I won't die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I'll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Well I'm scared of what's behind and what's before.
Why won’t you tell the readers the details of what happened?
No matter what I say, people will always make assumptions about what really happened, because it`s much easier to judge someone else`s life than to take an honest look at their own. That`s the short explanation. However, I will say that our marriage was in desperate turmoil for quite some time before the official separation. Pride, fear, hope, obligation kept us together much longer than was healthy really. The decision to separate was not mine and I did what I could to salvage what was left. While I held on with everything I had, he had already made up his mind about 6 months before he left and walked away for what he saw as a more exciting life. End of story and beginning of a new journey.
When you get published, are you using your married name?
The short answer…no.
Are you going to dedicate your book to your ex?
I am fully aware that without the total annihilation of my marriage, I wouldn`t be blogging, writing or possibly publishing at all, but no.
How are your kids doing?
My kids endure their struggles and come out the other side ok…sometimes more than ok. They are learning that their feelings matter. They are learning that they can speak their minds in regards to the way they feel about their dad`s actions. They are also learning that love and family mean so much more than any material item. The three of us together have created such a powerful and loving circle that we, without a doubt, know that family is what matters the most.
Would you ever get married again?
Sure…now accepting applications.
Are the things that happen in your blog posts true?
Absolutely…100%. Lucky for me I attract crazy.
What has helped you through the toughest times?
That`s a hard question because it varies. Friends, family, meditation, putting myself out into the world alone even when it scares me to death…lots of things have gotten me through. The ability to know that being alone doesn`t have to be lonely. The ability to know that feeling lonely is ok too.
What has been the hardest thing so far?
Aside from picking up the pieces of a shattered heart and the hearts of my children and being able to move on you mean. There have been a lot of difficult things to deal with: finances, custody agreements, self-esteem rebuilding, navigating the new world of water softener salt, dating, living a whole new life. One of my challenges was the coming to terms with the fact that I thought things were going to be ok. That it was just a bump in the road to growing old together. That even though things had been rough I honestly believed we could get through it. We had an amazing marriage for a very long time and to come to terms with the end has been hard. Like most people, I denied what was happening and chose not to see our marriage for what it was or who he was now. I denied what I knew was going on and I second guessed my instinct when `friends` assured me that all was well. Trusting myself and knowing that I did everything I could and this was not my issue, but his, was easier than I thought it would be. Coming to terms with the realization that this is my life now has been a little more challenging but not impossible. That people are going to unfairly judge my life and there`s nothing I can do about it has downright sucked, especially in a small town. Letting go of the feelings of guilt because I can move on and should move on while actually breathing, living and finding me again was a struggle but definitely empowering. But if I were to be totally honest and I always am, it`s going to be the ability to let someone into my life again.
Today is the day I might just let some walls down.
