Say what???

One of the challenges I have set for myself is to learn a new language.  English,  sarcasm and pirate haven’t really gotten me anywhere. 

And because I am so efficient, I am combining two of my challenges. I am going to teach myself Italian so when I take my dream vacation to Italy, I will fit right in with the locals.  No one will suspect the pasty white girl isn’t from around those parts.

Now…where to go to learn Italian.  I don’t really know any Italian people, except my great friend Carla and lord knows if I were to ask her to teach me, she would soon start avoiding my calls, so off I go to the library to immerse myself in “Italian in 3 hours”.  A series of cd’s you can listen to while you drive, while you do the housework, while you cook…you get the idea.  I am sure I can learn Italian in only 3 hours…sounds legitmate right?

Anyway…that really isn’t what this post is about.  I will blog more about that another time.  I had to start with the real reason I was at the library to lead up to the current topic.

Clutching my 3 set CD package, excited at the prospect of learning something new and impressing the heck out of the staff at East Side Mario’s, I wandered down a few aisles to see what else I could get my hands on.

While purusing the cook book section (because I love to cook) a book literally fell off the shelf and hit me in the head.  Now, for those of you who know me well, this happens to me all the time.  The universe has literally bitch slapped me more times than I care to admit.

The book that flung itself at me was called “Dating makes you want to die, but you have to do it anyway.”  Whoziwhatsit now??? I am so not ready to enter the terrifying world of dating.  Don’t get me wrong, I will get out there, but right now I am content with the company of good friends (male and female) and the pure bliss of having a bed all to myself.  Of all the thousands of books at the library, this one decides to fall at my feet?  The lovely pink cover with the skull and crossbones intrigued me, so I opened it to the introduction.  

Here is what I read:

“In the ancient times – before Al Gore invented the internet – finding a forever mate was simple.  Two postpubescent youngsters would get together if their parents and community thought it was appropriate.  A boy would come over to “call”, and he and his young lady of choice would sit on the front porch holding hands.  He would wear coveralls and have dreams of seeing the big city.  She would wear a bow in her hair and be fertile but chaste.  If she had all her teeth and good birthing hips, the boy would ask the girl’s father for her hand.  As long as she didn’t die from consumption and he didn’t run off the join the merchant marine, the two would live happily ever after and die at forty.”

This was something I could appreciate.  The sarcasm and the lack of politically correctness was just what I was looking for.  The book itself was pretty good…read it in an hour.  I am not convinced that I will take any of the advice to heart, but it was good for a laugh, which is maybe what I need most right now.

I have had a few friends “suggest” that the best way to perk myself up is get out there and “work it.”  I am not even sure what that means...how does one "work it?"  In all honesty, I would rather have root canal than go on a blind date or gasp, internet dating!  (which by the way sounds terrifying)  I watch Criminal Minds, I know what kind of crazy is out there.

Now, I will say, I have been out with friends for dinner, movies, movie nights in and dinners in etc…but these are people I know.  People that aren’t interested in whether I wear panty hose to work so they can strangle me with them.

Let’s be real, I have been pretty sheltered the last 20 years.  You would think that I would be excited a the prospect of going all out in full sluttastic glory…ummm, no.

I am just fine at home, snuggled up reading, watching tv and pretending that I don’t eat frosting right out the can.  (I was just kidding about that last part, really I was)

Dating for me will happen when it is meant to happen.  And no book that flies off a shelf and hits me in the head is going to tell me otherwise.

One post down...hundreds to go!

So here I am...newly single, neurotic and slightly emotional.  Great time to write a blog don't you think?

Sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but you will not find any dirt here...this isn't about the nasty details of my separation, although, let's be honest, everyone loves drama, as long as it's someone else's.

Why am I doing this you ask?  Great question.  Because I know there are a lot of you out there who are afraid to step out of your box.  Because I know there are women/men/moms/dads and everyone in between who need to sit back with a great glass of wine and enjoy an entertaining read.  Because if I am not held accountable for removing myself from my pity party, I will end up in a reality tv induced coma.  And really...blogging is much cheaper than therapy.

What you will find here however is a journalling if you will, of my adventures, trials and successes in finding out who I am now.  Throwing myself headfirst into the unknown of undiscovered passions that I was never able to try or too afraid to.

Some accomplishments will be huge for me, some are just for fun, but all entertaining in their own way.  (Notice the positive "talk" about accomplishments and not failures...thank you John Tesh for changing my life)

So stick around lovers of the bizarre, disturbing and hilarious.  You are about to enter my life.


DISCLAIMER!!!
Feel free to leave your comments, suggestions and ideas for future adventures you would like to see me take.
Just note, since this is my blog, I may delete your comment at any time if I feel like it...I may just be bloated and hungry that day, but nevertheless, it's my blog and I can be a bitch sometimes.

Woman's World Quiz has to be right...right???

Since I really didn't know where to start, I thought, why not look to Woman's World magazine...I mean they have been around forever and I felt like it would be a totally legitimate source of information for a 30 something woman looking for answers.

The quiz itself is called "What's your undiscovered passion?"  I was intrigued.

It took me back to my Tiger Beat days.  I would save up my money (who am I kidding, I would take money from around the house) and head down to the corner store for the newest edition.  I always poured over the quizzes in that magazine.  I eventually got over the fact that even though the magazine told me I would be the next great fashion designer, I ended up doing something else far less profitable, but still glamorous.  I also gave up all hope that Kirk Cameron and I would someday live in a Malibu beach house together, even though the quiz told me it was destiny.  And in all honesty, I was so glad when I turned him down for that first date...I hear he's a Evangelist now...dodged that bullet.

Maybe this time the quiz will be right!  I mean, it's Woman's World.  Anyway...my quiz results are in (after a vague, 7 question, intensive study of my life)

Writer, painter or anything creative.

So accurate it's spooky don't you think?  I mean I started this blog BEFORE I took the quiz, and here I am writing.  Woman's World, you have made me a believer.

Stay tuned for my first adventure...going to a movie alone!!!!