Another day, another post

Ciao il mio nome è Carri….how’s that for Italian immersion?  Pretty good si?

Once I realized (after approximately 15 minutes) that the CD set I borrowed from the public library was advanced Italian immersion I quickly stopped feeling totally stupid and traded it in for the basic beginner Italian.  As you can see, this is definitely going to be a process. 

But, alas, this post is not about the Italian language lessons.  I will keep you posted on that subject as it unfolds.  I know you’re on the edge of your seat. 

In my quest to find things to challenge myself with, I have turned to friends, family, and the internet for ideas.

I came to realize that my daily groupon email might just be the ticket.  What is Groupon you ask?

Groupon is a website that advertises discounts with popular businesses. I get a daily email with the most recent deals and one would assume that it could provide me with lots of opportunity to try new things.

Here is what Groupon has offered recently:

~Mattox Circus Company is offering a Flying Trapeze Class. 

~Spa in London is offering a brazillian wax complete with vajazzling!  Say what??? 

~Round One Boxing is offering adult boxing classes.

~Lots of travel opportunities.

On second thought, Groupon might not be the best place to get ideas…although the trapeze thing sounds like fun.  The vajazzling…not so much.  I mean, if you have no one to appreciate a good vajazzle, why spend the time and money?  I would think that you would save vajazzling for events like Christmas or St. Patrick's Day.  Yes, vajazzling  is exactly what you are thinking it is.  I am not making this up…go ahead and google it.

Here are some ideas that have been suggested that some well meaning people have offered:

Go on a wine tour, learn to change a tire, take a cooking class, splurge on a frivolous item, attend a wedding dateless, ride a rollercoaster (they terrify me), learn ballroom dancing, learn pole dancing, go out for dinner alone (not fast food), take the kids camping (I am so not outdoorsy), participate in a home reno class, go on a weekend road trip with no destination alone, learn a new language, start running again (if there were a bear chasing me maybe), post an online dating profile with real information and picture, go on a blind date.

Comments, suggestions and ideas are always welcome, may not necessarily be used, but welcome just the same.   I know I have some pretty sick and twisted friends out there who would love nothing more than to suggest I do something ludacris, like join a gym.

Just wanted to say thanks for all the love!  Keep reading and keep sharing the facebook page!

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Today-is-the-day/266430446735734

To be or not to be…what the hell…let’s do this.

I very rarely do anything by myself.  I am a social person and like to be around my friends.  Let’s just clear that up right now.   

I have never really been alone or done anything alone.  All the moms out there know that even bathroom time alone is a myth.  For the past 20 years, I have always had one or both kids to look after, or the company of the ex…now known as Claudius. (We are going with the Shakespeare theme…Claudius was the mastermind behind his family’s devastation in Hamlet.  Just go with me here people.) 

Anyway…I am going to the movies alone.  Now what?  I know I am great date…funny, witty, easy to get along with, I have a wallet full of cash and I certainly won’t expect anything when the evening is over.  I am great company!  This should be easy.

I chose to drive out of town to a larger movie theatre as opposed to staying in town for two reasons.  Reason number one…I was sincerely hoping I didn’t see anyone I knew and was purposely avoiding people and reason two was because the movie I wanted to see wasn’t being shown in our pitiful town theatre.

On the drive there, I considered turning around approximately 8-10 times.  At every exit, I thought…maybe I will take a detour and do some shopping.  Maybe I could just go home and tell everyone I went.  What was I thinking???  I could be at home in my cave (aka the rec room) in my pajamas in the dark, safe from the knowing stares that scream “Poor girl…she’s just been dumped.”

Couple my insane train of thought with the fact that EVERY radio station I tuned into was playing some sort of song about love, love lost or being alone, I really started to get bummed out.  Can every station in a 40km radius be playing Bon Jovi "Shot through the heart?"  Seriously.  I held on to hope there was something upbeat in the CD player.  Of course there wasn't…it was my newest obsession Adele.  Have you heard her “21” album?  Now I will usually crank her right up and belt out a version of “Someone Like You” like I am auditioning for American Idol but I just wasn't feeling it.  Did I leave my Italian immersion CD in the car?  Nope.  All I came up with was “Magic Treehouse” audio book, “Dingos at Dawn.”  I mean seriously…the universe was f’ing with me the whole way.  I listened to “Dingos at Dawn” by the way because Jack and Annie's adventure into the outback was much more fascinating than my inner voice telling me to turn the hell around and go home.

Finally I arrived and as I sat in the parking lot of the theatre, I shuddered at the thought of walking in and buying one ticket.  This is insane…people do this all the time right?  I could make a run for it and head over to the Chapter's across the parking lot.  Grab a Starbucks, a good book and stay until closing time.

I gather my courage, go inside, purchase my ticket (thank goodness for automated ticket machines) and not making any eye contact, I head straight for the concession booth.  If I stuff enough popcorn and pop on top of the pit of my anxiety in my stomach, everything should turn out just fine.

Just a side note…the popcorn was almost as much as my admission, but throwing caution to the wind, I got the extra butter.  I don’t cheap out, especially on the first date. 

I walk, head high, right into cinema “7” and prepare for the stares of the coupled people already seated. Taking a deep breath, I turn the corner and prepare for the worst.

Clutching my popcorn like a greasy security blanket, I looked around in disbelief. Only 6 other people in the whole place, all over the age of 50 might I add.  Great…I am alone at the theatre AND I picked a crappy movie no one wants to see.

I proceed to look for a seat in the corner where I will go relatively unnoticed and then I stopped.  Impulsively, I decided to take the top row and sit smack dab in the middle!  That way everyone who comes in will have a perfect view of the confident, single woman who took herself out on a date.  Sometimes I even amaze myself.  Ok...I also forgot my glasses and need to sit in the middle, but that is neither here nor there.

Texting a couple of friends for some last minute moral support, I got comfortable with my popcorn and prepared to enjoy the next two hours.

There I sat, riveted by the movie “Anonymous”.  I didn’t notice the time, not even once, I didn’t wonder “when will this be over” and I certainly wasn’t aware that I was alone.  Weird.  This wasn't so bad.  

Leaving the theatre, I still felt slightly conscious of the fact that I was by myself, but held my head a little higher then when I went in. 

Now…the ugly truth.  There are two sides to every story right?  I am not going to hide anything in these blogs, good, bad or indifferent, so here it is.

I cried as soon as I got onto the highway.  I cried on the way home for lots of different reasons.  I cried because I purchased, out of habit, a medium popcorn…Cladius and I would always share, and I had to throw ¾ of it away.  (Not sure if was because of the lack of sharing or the cost of the extra butter that had me upset)  I cried because I was really excited about the movie and had no one to share my enthusiasm with on the drive home.  I cried because I would be coming home to an empty house.  I cried because I did something so out of character.  It brought to the surface something in myself that had been missing for quite some time.  I cried because I like to cry.  It’s as simple and as complicated as that. 

Emotional set back aside...I rediscovered my love of Shakespeare, theatre and conspiracy theories.  I sat, immersed in a movie that required thought and attention and loved it.  I felt my brain coming alive.  I have compromised a lot of things the past 20 years, so it felt great to feel a past passion spark itself inside me again.  


Will I take myself to the movies again?  Absolutely!

Malvolio:
"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and
some have greatness thrust upon 'em."  Twelfth Night

Carri 1 - Softener Salt 0

Someone asked me the other day what bothers me most about being 35 and single.  (thanks for pointing both of those things out by the way).  I really didn’t have an answer, but the question remained in my head.   I decided to sit down and really think about it.

Is it the loneliness?  Is it the financial stress?  Is it the fear of totally F’ing up my kids?  Is it the fear of dying alone?  Is it the fact that I am approaching cougar age with a ton of baggage and a damaged heart?

Those things do bother me, if I let them…what really scares me is the day to day stuff. 

Something as simple as softener salt…yes you read that correctly.  Having never actually purchased softener salt, I felt a little intimidated.  Suddenly I had a lot of questions and concerns.  Where do I go?  How much do I need?  What kind do I buy?  How do I get it from the trunk of my car into the basement?  Do I actually have to heave the bags into a cart and proceed to the checkout?  Pellets or rock crystals?  WTF…it’s not like I am out to score some crack cocaine.  My palms got sweaty thinking about it.

I realize how ridiculous this all sounds and after giving myself a stern talking to about how idiotic I was being, I donned my sturdiest pair of shoes and made the trek to the store.   

Upon arrival, I see skids of salt, varying in size, price and type.  Now, all I have to do is look like I know what the hell is going on.  I walk straight up to the skids like a gunslinger in an old western and stare them down.  Holy hell…they look heavy.  I debate hoisting the bags over my shoulder when I see the weight.  20KG each!!!  Some of the bags were 40KG.  I almost panicked.  Now what?  My inner voice reminded me of the compressed disk I have in my back (an injury I acquired while brushing my teeth, don’t ask) and I quickly decided to head inside to ask for help.

After the lovely 10 year old girl at the checkout took my money for the purchase, she called the 11 year old “carry out” boy to assist me.  It was starting to feel like a drug deal…I actually asked him “Should I pull my car up or will you carry it out to my trunk?”  Awkward silence…and then a smart ass comment…”I am a carry out boy ma’am….I almost bitch slapped him but I need that salt in my trunk.  So the strapping boy hauled those bags of salt and carried them across the parking lot to my car.  Because I am always joking in awkward situations, I asked him if he had a break coming up and would he consider coming home with me to bring the bags to my basement.  He stared at me with an expression on his face like I had just asked him to help me skin a small animal.

And because I am now feeling even more ridiculous for trying to communicate with this hormonal carry out boy, I actually came out with “I have Halloween candy.”  I know…too creepy right?  The kid took off running to the safety of the crowded store.

Feeling proud and excited at the thought of my first “home maintenance” task, my thoughts turned to how crazy it was to get so worked up over this.  Then my thoughts turned to whether or not I would be banned from that particular store for trying to lure their carry out boy to my basement with a mini kit kat.  Regardless…I felt great!

Since I have been told again and again to ask for help (something I am not very good at by the way) I did just that.  I am smart enough to know that I have some really amazing people in my life that would do anything to help me. 

You didn’t win this time water softener…now get to work and make my dishes shiny!

Say what???

One of the challenges I have set for myself is to learn a new language.  English,  sarcasm and pirate haven’t really gotten me anywhere. 

And because I am so efficient, I am combining two of my challenges. I am going to teach myself Italian so when I take my dream vacation to Italy, I will fit right in with the locals.  No one will suspect the pasty white girl isn’t from around those parts.

Now…where to go to learn Italian.  I don’t really know any Italian people, except my great friend Carla and lord knows if I were to ask her to teach me, she would soon start avoiding my calls, so off I go to the library to immerse myself in “Italian in 3 hours”.  A series of cd’s you can listen to while you drive, while you do the housework, while you cook…you get the idea.  I am sure I can learn Italian in only 3 hours…sounds legitmate right?

Anyway…that really isn’t what this post is about.  I will blog more about that another time.  I had to start with the real reason I was at the library to lead up to the current topic.

Clutching my 3 set CD package, excited at the prospect of learning something new and impressing the heck out of the staff at East Side Mario’s, I wandered down a few aisles to see what else I could get my hands on.

While purusing the cook book section (because I love to cook) a book literally fell off the shelf and hit me in the head.  Now, for those of you who know me well, this happens to me all the time.  The universe has literally bitch slapped me more times than I care to admit.

The book that flung itself at me was called “Dating makes you want to die, but you have to do it anyway.”  Whoziwhatsit now??? I am so not ready to enter the terrifying world of dating.  Don’t get me wrong, I will get out there, but right now I am content with the company of good friends (male and female) and the pure bliss of having a bed all to myself.  Of all the thousands of books at the library, this one decides to fall at my feet?  The lovely pink cover with the skull and crossbones intrigued me, so I opened it to the introduction.  

Here is what I read:

“In the ancient times – before Al Gore invented the internet – finding a forever mate was simple.  Two postpubescent youngsters would get together if their parents and community thought it was appropriate.  A boy would come over to “call”, and he and his young lady of choice would sit on the front porch holding hands.  He would wear coveralls and have dreams of seeing the big city.  She would wear a bow in her hair and be fertile but chaste.  If she had all her teeth and good birthing hips, the boy would ask the girl’s father for her hand.  As long as she didn’t die from consumption and he didn’t run off the join the merchant marine, the two would live happily ever after and die at forty.”

This was something I could appreciate.  The sarcasm and the lack of politically correctness was just what I was looking for.  The book itself was pretty good…read it in an hour.  I am not convinced that I will take any of the advice to heart, but it was good for a laugh, which is maybe what I need most right now.

I have had a few friends “suggest” that the best way to perk myself up is get out there and “work it.”  I am not even sure what that means...how does one "work it?"  In all honesty, I would rather have root canal than go on a blind date or gasp, internet dating!  (which by the way sounds terrifying)  I watch Criminal Minds, I know what kind of crazy is out there.

Now, I will say, I have been out with friends for dinner, movies, movie nights in and dinners in etc…but these are people I know.  People that aren’t interested in whether I wear panty hose to work so they can strangle me with them.

Let’s be real, I have been pretty sheltered the last 20 years.  You would think that I would be excited a the prospect of going all out in full sluttastic glory…ummm, no.

I am just fine at home, snuggled up reading, watching tv and pretending that I don’t eat frosting right out the can.  (I was just kidding about that last part, really I was)

Dating for me will happen when it is meant to happen.  And no book that flies off a shelf and hits me in the head is going to tell me otherwise.

One post down...hundreds to go!

So here I am...newly single, neurotic and slightly emotional.  Great time to write a blog don't you think?

Sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but you will not find any dirt here...this isn't about the nasty details of my separation, although, let's be honest, everyone loves drama, as long as it's someone else's.

Why am I doing this you ask?  Great question.  Because I know there are a lot of you out there who are afraid to step out of your box.  Because I know there are women/men/moms/dads and everyone in between who need to sit back with a great glass of wine and enjoy an entertaining read.  Because if I am not held accountable for removing myself from my pity party, I will end up in a reality tv induced coma.  And really...blogging is much cheaper than therapy.

What you will find here however is a journalling if you will, of my adventures, trials and successes in finding out who I am now.  Throwing myself headfirst into the unknown of undiscovered passions that I was never able to try or too afraid to.

Some accomplishments will be huge for me, some are just for fun, but all entertaining in their own way.  (Notice the positive "talk" about accomplishments and not failures...thank you John Tesh for changing my life)

So stick around lovers of the bizarre, disturbing and hilarious.  You are about to enter my life.


DISCLAIMER!!!
Feel free to leave your comments, suggestions and ideas for future adventures you would like to see me take.
Just note, since this is my blog, I may delete your comment at any time if I feel like it...I may just be bloated and hungry that day, but nevertheless, it's my blog and I can be a bitch sometimes.

Woman's World Quiz has to be right...right???

Since I really didn't know where to start, I thought, why not look to Woman's World magazine...I mean they have been around forever and I felt like it would be a totally legitimate source of information for a 30 something woman looking for answers.

The quiz itself is called "What's your undiscovered passion?"  I was intrigued.

It took me back to my Tiger Beat days.  I would save up my money (who am I kidding, I would take money from around the house) and head down to the corner store for the newest edition.  I always poured over the quizzes in that magazine.  I eventually got over the fact that even though the magazine told me I would be the next great fashion designer, I ended up doing something else far less profitable, but still glamorous.  I also gave up all hope that Kirk Cameron and I would someday live in a Malibu beach house together, even though the quiz told me it was destiny.  And in all honesty, I was so glad when I turned him down for that first date...I hear he's a Evangelist now...dodged that bullet.

Maybe this time the quiz will be right!  I mean, it's Woman's World.  Anyway...my quiz results are in (after a vague, 7 question, intensive study of my life)

Writer, painter or anything creative.

So accurate it's spooky don't you think?  I mean I started this blog BEFORE I took the quiz, and here I am writing.  Woman's World, you have made me a believer.

Stay tuned for my first adventure...going to a movie alone!!!!